Gymnast and I had a tough conversation last week. I was at my lowest and saw no other way. I had to back out of my commitment of helping him out for 6 months after he moved out and ask him to begin taking on the bills I was paying at the now 3 month mark.
He wasn’t taken by surprise. I cried. I apologized. And I felt terrible in every way possible.
I couldn’t have asked for a better, more compassionate response. He said he understand, he wasn’t upset, and to give me a few days to process. That’s where we left it.
He was Listening
Several days later, I received several notices in a row. Gymnast sent me $1,800. And then called to ask if it was enough.
He covered the month of insurance (for all 4 of us on the policy,) his car payment, and his phone bill. I didn’t not anticipate that at all. And I was so grateful.
But more than that, I am so freaking proud! My son has been paying rent to my sister, his own groceries, his own gas, etc. And he has been saving to move into his own place. SAVING! My hard to raise, hard-headed, high maintenance son is doing it.
Going Forward
Now all this happened before I secured work to cover the bills for the rest of the year. And we did have a follow up conversation.
He is going to send $600 a month for the time being. This will cover his car payment and his phone bill with a little left over toward the insurance bill. And then we will re-evaluate in January, when he was supposed to take over his bills to adjust as needed.
At the same time, he is going to do some research on getting his own insurance, and I need to find out how this all will work if we don’t re-finance the car and it has to stay in my name.
Personal Note: From the comments, I get the impression that most people do not agree with my decision to help support my adult children. Especially when I’m under-employed. I recognize that making financial decisions with my heart has been the crux of my bad decisions over and over again. But I cannot change my desire and commitment to launch my kids with as little financial burden as possible. I guess that is my priority over debt. But as they finish school, I promise I am wholly committed to getting my own financial house in order.
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