by Hope
I wrote this week about the weight that was lifted when Beauty bought a car. To be honest, while I occasionally noticed the boundary or restriction sharing a car placed on me. It rarely was a challenge.
But it was amazing, how much even this small obligation being lifted changed my mindset.
Single Mom, Sole Provider
As a single mom, my life revolved around my children. (I know, the BAD community has many opinions on just how much it has.) Every decision, every action was driven by the desire to provide them with the best possible life. I balanced work, parenting, and household responsibilities, always with the weight of being the sole provider. The pressure was immense, but it also gave my life a clear purpose. However, when my children grew up and left the nest, I was faced with a challenge I hadn’t anticipated: rediscovering myself. (This hit home this past year as the 3 boys moved to different states and Princess moved into year round housing at school.)
When Gymnast left for Texas last summer, I found myself standing in a quiet house. The silence was deafening. For the first time in years, I didn’t have a busy schedule dictating my every move. No school events to attend, no meals to prepare at specific times, no late-night talks to reassure them that everything would be okay. It was just me. (Yes, Beauty is till here. It’s just a very different dynamic when a child comes into your family basically grown. It’s not a judgement, it’s just very different.)
Emptiness and Grief
At first, the emptiness felt overwhelming. I experienced a mix of emotions: pride for the independent individuals my children had become, sadness for the end of an era, and a profound sense of loss. Who was I if not their mom? The role that had defined me for so long was no longer my primary focus, and it left me feeling untethered.
The psychological challenges were real. I had to confront the fact that I had neglected my own needs and dreams for years. The intense pressure to be both mother and provider had left little room for self-reflection or personal growth. I realized that I had to redefine my identity and find a new purpose that was just for me.
I began by giving myself permission to grieve. It was important to acknowledge the end of this chapter in my life. I allowed myself to feel the sadness and the loss, understanding that these emotions were a natural part of the transition. Therapist friends helped me navigate this uncharted territory. (Did you know that my background is in social work? It’s where I started my career, so I have a plethora of therapists friends from WAY WAY back. While I didn’t go to therapy officially, I’ve definitely reached out to friends when I was drowning for some guidance and tough love.)
Finding Out Who I Am Now
Slowly, I started exploring interests and passions that I had set aside. I enrolled in a macrame class because Princess loves it. It is definitely not my thing, but I was proud of myself for showing up. I started journaling, capturing my thoughts and emotions on paper, which helped me process the changes I was going through. I even picked up knitting again, a hobby I learned with Princess about 8 years ago in Virginia but abandoned as life got busier. (I will never be a expert at anything creative, my mind doesn’t work that way, but it is nice to get a break from the computer.)
With each new activity, I discovered a piece of myself that had been buried under the responsibilities of motherhood. I found joy in the simple act of creating, or at least trying to create something new, whether it was a dish in the kitchen or a square knot rope for macrame. Expanding my social circle beyond the realm of my children’s activities has been the hardest. Due to my lack of hearing and introverted-ness, I still greatly rely of my network that consists of friends and family that knew me before…before the move to Georgia, before the extreme isolation in this tiny town.
As I embraced these new experiences, I began to feel a shift within myself. The pressure of being the sole provider had been lifted, and with it, a weight I hadn’t fully realized I was carrying. I am no longer defined solely by my role as a mother. I am rediscovering who I am as an individual.
Empowered and Growing
This journey of self-discovery led me to a newfound sense of empowerment. I realized that I had the strength and resilience to reinvent myself. The skills and qualities that had made me a dedicated mother and provider were now helping me carve out a new path. I became more confident in pursuing opportunities that excited me, both personally and professionally.
In this new chapter of my life, I am more than just a mother. I am a woman who has rediscovered her passions and embraced her individuality. The psychological challenges of this transition were significant, but they also paved the way for immense personal growth. I am grateful for the journey and excited for the future, knowing that I have the power to continually evolve and create a life that is fulfilling and uniquely my own.
To any other single moms out there facing a similar transition, know that it’s okay to feel lost at first. (Or even those who aren’t there yet, please be forewarned, it’s coming and it’s tough!) Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and remember that this new beginning is an opportunity to become the best version of yourself. The nest may be empty, but your life is full of endless possibilities.
And this girl has BIG, BIG plans! The tides are turning…
I feel strong and hopeful. And that’s making such a big difference with every aspect of my life but ESPECIALLY financially and professionally! The best is yet to come, I just know it.
Hope is a creative, solutions-focused business manager helping clients grow their business and work more efficiently by leveraging expertise in project management, digital marketing, & tech solutions. She’s recently become an empty nester as her 5 foster/adoptive kids have spread their wings. She lives with her 3 dogs in a small town in NE Georgia and prefers the mountains to the beaches any day. She struggles with the travel bug and is doing her best to help each of her kids as their finish schooling and become independent (but it’s hard!) She has run her own consulting company for almost twenty years! Hope began sharing her journey with the BAD community in the Spring of 2015 and feels like she has finally in a place to really focus on making wise financial decisions.