I haven’t had a moment to sit down and actually read through BAD comments this month. My work load has been off the charts. But I saw one comment in passing and it stuck with me, and resonated on the deepest level. It was something to the effect of “your posts give me whiplash”.
And that is exactly how I have felt lately. I make a decision and then within weeks, if not days, I am second guessing it. And I feel like this has been going on for a couple of years now. My confidence is shot. For so many reasons.
That lack of confidence is adversely affecting so many things. Not just my finances. But also, probably more importantly, my mental health. (And trying to be off the anti-depressants doesn’t help either, I don’t suppose.)
So I recognized this.
And then this morning, I had another epiphany. (I’ve had several of those lately that just hit hard and true.)
How do I spend it?
This morning I met with one of my solo clients (not related to my full time contract job) and delivered a new website. He was thrilled. I do good work exceptionally fast in this case. And he paid me.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was going to be paid. And I knew it was going to be soon.
But I hadn’t put this money in my forecast because it was an unexpected job and I just did it over the weekend. An extra $500, of course, I’ll say yes. Especially when it’s something I enjoy doing and it doesn’t require any human interaction. (Yes, that statement is a reflection of some issues too, I know.)
Anyways, my epiphany was this. I didn’t just accept the payment and get started with my real day, my real job. I immediately started thinking of how to use it. How to spend it.
I wrote recently about my biggest failures over the last 7 years. And saving or rather failing to save is top of that list.
So why don’t I just recognize that and do better. Start saving everything.
I’ve got to do better. I’ve got to be better.
Making Changes
You all have been advising me to seeking counseling for a while. I think I’m there.
The first step to a solution is recognizing the problem. I am the problem.
PS – I’ve started the transfer from Venmo with this new income. And it’s going right into savings. Baby steps.
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