“I have the worst sense of direction in the entire free world. I could not navigate my way out of a single-gate stadium.”
—Dave Wetzel, president, Farmer Boys
In her monthly “Grab Bag” column, Editor in Chief Laura Michaels asks the tough questions—What superhero power would you most like to have? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?—to show a side of franchising execs you don’t normally see.
Who would play you in the biopic about your life?
People tell me I look like Tommy Lee Jones when I have a straight face. And I look nothing like Ryan Reynolds, but I like his style, his comedy, he’s a pretty relaxed, casual guy.
What’s your favorite franchise brand that’s not your own?
I worked for The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for several years and I have a lot of respect for what they do. They still do everything in-house and handcrafted. Everything is done the old-fashioned way, by hand.
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
People who drive too close to you on the freeway. In California, you’re always in traffic and it just unnerves me how close they follow you. I say hang loose, take your foot off the gas and go with the flow. Even if you get around a car, there’s another one in front of you.
What’s one restaurant or food trend you wish would die?
I’m not a big fan of boba tea. Some people are, but I just never got the texture of those little things you suck through the straw. It reminds me of taking a fish oil pill or something.
What’s something you would seriously stockpile if you found out it wasn’t going to be sold anymore?
Going back to The Coffee Bean, I use their little espresso capsules every morning and I think I’d be lost without them. Just so I didn’t wake up as a crab every morning. It’s either a comfort thing or a dependency, just getting in the rhythm for the day.
What are you freakishly good at (or bad at)?
I have the worst sense of direction in the entire free world. I could not navigate my way out of a single-gate stadium. I’m just freakishly bad at that. Thankfully GPS helps me now, for driving anyway.
Which famous person would you never want to meet?
Boris Johnson. He’s a little outside my wheelhouse in the way he lives his life. He’s not a guy who’s built a solid reputation that the English are known for. And I probably wouldn’t want to meet Genghis Khan either.
What’s the first concert you ever went to?
At the Downey Ballroom here in Los Angeles, back in the ‘70s. It was a new garage band, Van Halen. I actually physically bumped into David Lee Roth on the way to the bathroom. Even back then, he was doing these wild kicks and jumps on stage.
What’s your guilty pleasure?
Thrifty Chocolate Malted Crunch ice cream. I have to talk myself out of going by there after work. It’s outstanding.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Raw octopus, and it didn’t end well. I ended up getting sick. And I’m not a very adventurous eater. I’m not as bold as some of the folks in our industry.
If you could be a member of any TV show family, which would it be?
‘Everybody Loves Raymond.’ That would be pretty close to my wheelhouse. I got a little bit of Ray Romano going on. And that’s my family a little bit. The wife and husband roles—my wife is much smarter and much more put together than me.