I’ve been asking my parents, who are in their late 70’s, for years to set up some sort of trust or will but they have always insisted it was morbid and ignored me. Later this month, my father is undergoing an extensive surgery and he called me last night and asked if I had a minute to chat. He wanted to let me know that he met with an attorney and set up a trust. ‘Kiddo, I know I don’t have much, but I don’t want you to suffer like me.’
Why the change of heart? My grandmother died several years ago and her estate, as tiny as it is, has not been settled. She owns a small cabin in the woods. Half the kids want to sell. The other half want to keep. My dad said he didn’t care which upset both sides. Even though there is very little money involved, the fighting has been awful, and relationships have been destroyed.
My parents don’t have a lot of money, no retirement, and very little equity in their home. So why did I push so hard for a trust (or at the very least, a will)? First, because California requires probate unless you have a trust. This drags out the difficulty during an already difficult time. And second (and most important), because I want to honor what they want to do with what they have. I don’t care who gets what, just tell me what you want me to do. What would they like us to do with their house? Their cars? The contents of their house? What about his business? The attorney suggested we all get together and mark the items we want in their home and have discussions on things that are wanted by more than one child. While none of us are the money-grubbing types, we are sentimental, and I could see us struggling to figure out who got mom or dad’s wedding rings or my dad’s pipe collection that smells just like him when you open it. I want to honor their wishes and I can’t do that if I don’t know what they are.
We talked for an hour as he carefully explained what was in the trust and how he would like things handled. I felt so much better knowing what he wanted.
My husband and I set up a trust over ten years ago even though we were deep in debt. In the crazy off chance that we both died, we wanted our families to know exactly what to do with our kids. We also made sure we carried enough life insurance so the kids wouldn’t be a financial burden and outlined exactly how the money should be spent. Morbid? Yup. But a loving thing for parents to do? Yup. We revisit and revise when needed and we still carry enough life insurance to ensure they aren’t a financial burden. We’ll do this until the youngest is out of the house.
You don’t have to be old to write a will. If you are an adult, you should have one. It’s one of the best ways to show people you love them. Make their burden light by not asking them to guess your wishes.
Beks is a full-time government employee who enjoys blogging late into the night after her four kids have gone to sleep. She’s been married to Chris, her college sweetheart, for 15 years. In 2017, after 3 long years working the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps, they paid off more than $70K and became debt free. When she’s not working or blogging, she’s exploring the great outdoors.