Content warning: This article contains mention of self-harm.
Part 1 of the Summer House Season 10 reunion didn’t just feature Ciara effortlessly eviscerating Amanda over West; it also delivered an emotional and deeply vulnerable moment from star KJ Dillard, who made history as the first Black man to join the Bravo franchise.
During Tuesday’s reunion special, KJ opened up to Bravo executive Andy Cohen about the close bond he formed with co-stars Ciara Miller and Mia Calabrese, revealing how they supported him through what he described as a “heavy” period for his mental health last fall after the season wrapped.
Throughout the season, Dillard had been candid about his struggles with anxiety.
“I actually had to go to the hospital for self-harm,” the 28-year-old told Cohen before becoming emotional. “I was there for a week. Mia and Ciara were there almost every day.”
KJ Dillard revealed that he was diagnosed with BPD during the Summer House Season 10 Reunion.
KJ shared that he spent several months in recovery, a period he said finally gave him the chance to truly “focus” on himself. During that time, he was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a mental health condition that can cause severe emotional instability, volatile relationships, an unstable self-image, and chronic impulsivity, according to the Cleveland Clinic.
“My whole life, I distracted myself and ran away from my issues instead of facing them head-on,” he said, before adding he’s now in therapy and taking medication. He also thanked fans for the support they showed him online.
“I’m grateful that I’m here alive because I could have not been,” he added. “I’m thankful for the support of my friends. Like everyone here has somewhat showed their support in their own way. So I appreciate that. I’m very thankful that the audience is embracing that, because it’s my truth.”
KJ Dillard also spoke with Ebony about his mental health, revealing that money issues along with the weight of being the first Black man on Summer House took a “toll” on him.
Dillard also spoke about the pressure of being the first Black man on Summer House during an interview with Ebony published on May 27.
The outlet noted that he was “saddled with an unrealistic set of expectations for a first-time reality star: the weight of being the first.” Dillard explained that carrying the responsibility of representation created a new level of pressure, especially at a time when diversity in television and film continues to face backlash. While trying to present himself as a strong representative of the Black community, he was privately struggling financially.
After filming wrapped in the fall, Dillard worried about how he would support himself as modeling opportunities slowed down and “money was rough.”
He continued, “I didn’t have any stability at all, and it took a toll on me; it took a toll on my relationship with Dara [Levitan]. I struggled a lot mentally and emotionally. I started to hate myself from within, and it started to show up in my relationship. I started distancing myself in friendships. I acted like everything was all good when in reality it wasn’t.”
The pressure only intensified as he tried to carry the weight of his historic role on the show.
“Having to show up as the first Black guy this summer, I didn’t wanna show any signs of weakness. I felt really weak,” he told Ebony. “I was holding all of that in until it all came out. I went to the hospital with Ciara, Mia, and Dara. I checked myself into the psychiatric unit and was there for a week.”
Now, Dillard hopes that by sharing his story, he can encourage more men, especially Black men, to speak openly about mental health, an issue that is often stigmatized within the Black community. He said going to recovery “changed” his life.
“I started to learn what self-care and self-love look like. I realized that it’s okay to not be okay. As a Black man in a world where we feel like we have to show up and be tough, being tough is talking about your emotions, and not holding the weight of the world in,” he added.
We send love to KJ Dillard for his bravery!
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If you or someone you know needs help, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call the network, previously known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.
